I have this abnormal tendency to do the wrong things at the wrong time. So, I am writing (under an appealing compulsion yet with a guilty conscience due to… board exams) a blog post now (wrong time). Okay, let’s get to the point.
Last week, the day before my Commerce exam (God, I hated that exam. Gives me the chill even now!) I went for a walk alone actually but my dad joined me a little later. It was quiet and calm. And then with a loud racket my neighbor uncle came out of his house in a hideous set of tracksuits. Neighbor uncle is that type of person who tries to act all ages expect his. Like whenever he meets my brother he always says “dei, how is that cricket match going da? We should put one game this Sunday” and he’ll try to talk Commerce to me and when I explain to him how much I detest that subject, he goes off –“when you love something very much you feel like you hate it.” It just makes me want to pull my tongue and die. Especially when he is an eldritch concoction of TR and Vijaykanth.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, that uncle talks all sadhu sadhu about how healthy vegetables and fruits are for us, actually according to that uncle there are vitamins for every letter (he says Vitamin R is for good the hair inside our ears and nose). Yet, he gets maybe a full chicken every alternate day and they have it for dinner because it leaves our family sleepless on those nights. Only if breathing wasn’t through our nostrils, we’d have stuffed them too with cotton balls.
So that uncle came with walking us (THE HORROR) and he seemed to be jogging but that was slower than us walking. He talked to my dad about how the stocks were rising or whatever and how the business was fluctuating, big big talks you see. And then with the sudden, swift turn of his neck that scared the living daylights out of me (you know, it’s a medical miracle that his neck didn’t snap) he asked if I had any exams the day after and before I could lie saying a ‘NO’ that would’ve conveniently avoided two hours lecture longer than immortality itself, my dad said : Yes, yes. She has Commerce. (THE HORROR) *again*
And uncle looked like he was the happiest (and daftest) person in the world. He kept on talking about how that subject was my favorite and how well I should do the exam and how neatly I should present the paper and how I should listen to every word he says. You could actually see invisible blood oozing from my dad’s ears. And if it weren’t for that coffee I had before walk, I’d have fallen face first on the ground from that uncle’s deadening talk. My dad’s phone rang (hallelujah)! It was obviously someone my dad didn’t want to talk to so he stashed it back into his pocket. But our great, great neighbor uncle thought my dad did not attend the call because he was talking. So he asked my dad to pick up the call. And my dad politely declined to do so, and uncle was some who never took NO for an answer. So much for that uncle’s neighborly character and all, he just took out my dad’s phone from the pocket and redialed.
I tell you, I felt my dad’s blood boiling.
And then my dad had to put up with some guy about bank loans and that uncle kept on asking my dad to keep talking because calls like these very informative and enlightening. And also, they’ll be useful for us later in life!
Lesson: Open your curtains, see if neighbor uncle is home or is he planning on walking (you’ll know he is, if he is tying his orange/pink shoelaces sitting on the steps) and if you think he’s not going for a walk but suddenly he turns up almost on your side; turn the other way and when you meet him tell: One refreshing walk that was. See you later, uncle. Go home. Lock the door and make some coffee to shake off the adrenaline.